BLOGGING

Change and release

5 June 2020

Everything in life changes. Nothing is permanent.

Sometimes you have to let go of something and you don't want to. Sometimes you want to let go of something and it doesn't work out…

Letting go and detaching is a true art of living. And at the same time the simplest thing there is.

When change enters your life, it feels like a piece of control over your life is falling away. A sense of control gives you a sense of security, and security gives you confidence. But do we become happy from our urge for security?

We go through phases in our lives and in them things are constantly changing: your opinions, your relationships, where you live, your work, your finances, your health. Every day you are faced with letting go. That can be something very mundane, like that sold-out jar of peanut butter in the supermarket that was still on your shopping list. But also something very significant, such as the death of a loved one. I am no longer the Dorien I was when I was born, nor the Dorien I was yesterday. I have also had to let go of myself many times, over and over again.

Where the world is heading now seems increasingly uncertain. Our 'fixed' patterns change, future plans change, rules and expectations are adjusted. The changes follow each other at a rapid pace, faster than we are used to. The world stands up against injustice. Opinions are divided. That can be threatening to you and trigger feelings of anxiety.

Fear is a bad counselor. When you are afraid of change, you cramp inside. You close yourself off from what is happening around you and try to hold on to that which you know. You think, ' Why is this happening to me?"But life has infinite possibilities, you don't have to limit yourself to what you know! My starting point is always: ‘it is not what happens, but what you do with what happens that makes the difference’. When you are open to what is unfolding, when you are curious about the change instead of controlling and holding on to the familiar, then you can face the world around you with peace of mind in your heart. From a confidence that everything is always good, you surrender yourself to the moment, because you know that you are powerful and responsible enough to take life as it is.

Invite yourself to look for that point of trust deep within you, where you find peace and strength, dignity and confidence. You take responsibility for how you deal with change, instead of believing that it is happening to you, or that someone else is doing it to you. There you can feel that you are not in the midst of chaos, like a toy on the waves, but that you can also take a step back and have a choice. And there you will also find your inner knowing. With this you extinguish your fear, and you find security and support. Not the security that things and circumstances around you ostensibly offer you, but the confidence you have in yourself, regardless of those circumstances. In that surrender you will find creativity, and that is exactly what you need to respond to changes.

Are you not getting results fast enough, even though you are still doing your best? That doesn't mean you're not doing something right. It just means that you are trying again to create a certainty: the result of your efforts. In your pursuit of security, you close yourself off to other possibilities. If you open yourself to the idea that circumstances are always uncertain and that certainties exist only in your head, you will find the wisdom of uncertainty. When things fall away around you, you are invited by life to find your essence: what is it really about for you? How do you choose to deal with this? You always have a choice: you can get angry, frustrated, scared, but you can also choose to let go. During the biggest changes in your life, you know: this is how I choose to deal with it, this is what it's all about for me.

Take a look at the world and the people around you with the thought that everyone is struggling with insecurities right now. One seeks certainty in an outspoken opinion about racism, the COVID-19 measures, keeping 1.5 meters away. The other person closes himself off completely and tries to live in his own world in which there are still ‘certainties’. There is no mistake and good. We don't need to polarize. All we have to do is be open, curious about other possibilities, respecting each other's needs and choices. Give yourself and those around you the freedom to be yourself, knowing that people are essentially always looking for connection.

A connection from Heart to Heart, that's what our lives are all about. Especially in a period of great change.